Help Someone You Love Deal with Abuse Simply and Effectively

Victims of ongoing abuse really should get help immediately. There’s a link in the resource area at the bottom to help you find assistance in protecting yourself. If the abuse has ended but the memories persist, you can find personal peace in a simple and effective way right there in the privacy of your home computer, laptop, iPad, or smart phone.

You’re not alone if you carry deeply embedded memories of past abuse. These memories make the recollection almost as painful as the original offense.

Abuse is particularly destructive because it touches so many areas in our lives.

(1)   It’s a trust issue when someone in whom we trusted betrayed us by abusing us.

(2)   It’s a fear issue when we worry about a recurrence of the abuse even though it may have been years ago.

(3)   It’s a self-esteem issue when we blame ourselves for somehow bringing the abuse upon ourselves or for making our abuser angry.

(4)   It’s an anger issue when rage against the outrage against us becomes overwhelming.

(5)   It’s a relationship issue when the violence done against us blocks our ability to have intimacy with another person even though they weren’t part of the abuse.

The abuse may have occurred in a place that we expected to be secure: in our home, in our marriage or relationship; in the school yard. This is particularly offensive because it damages our ability to trust again.

The abuse may have been perpetrated by a total stranger. This leaves us with a very small comfort zone which may in fact be a room or a chair or bed. It may leave us afraid to speak our opinion for fear a recurrence of domestic abuse.

All these reactions are triggered by a thought that brings the abusive act to the front of our attention once again. The thought could be triggered by a word, a smell, a sound, almost anything.

If we let those thoughts of abuse lead us to anxiety, to becoming overwhelmed, or to being incapable of dealing with the required daily routine of life, we need to do something about it.

In a moment, you’ll see a very simple process you can use as often as you like to overcome your abuse-inspired anxiety. Because I don’t want to leave you upset, I’m going to tell you about it and then direct you to try it – after you know what to expect.

I have probably caused some negative emotions especially if you are the victim of past abuse. I want to do say to yourself, out loud, right now, “I’m not going to think about that.” If it recurs, say it again; and again, and again. “I’m not going to think about that.”

You’ll soon discover that the negative thoughts of being abused will diminish and even disappear over a period of time. They will go away every time you demand that they go away.

You can deal with abuse anxiety in a way so simple that many people have trouble accepting it. The most effective way to control negative thinking is to say to yourself, out loud, “I will not to think about that.” Do it as often as necessary every time a thought pops up that typically causes you pain.

Someone said, “That’s easier said than done.”

Not really. You have the innate authority to decide what you want to think about. If a thought causes you pain, don’t think that thought! It’s your choice. As you make that choice again and again, your subconscious remembers how you like to respond and will start to make your response automatically. This can become automatic in days or weeks.

Furthermore, you were made with a subconscious mind that has over time formed the opinion that you like thinking about your abuse. Your subconscious, being ever helpful, will continue to give you thoughts to help you do what it thinks you like to do, think about abuse.

The process of choosing not to dwell on those thoughts will, over time, convince your subconscious that you do not want to think about that those things anymore. It’s this process that creates the habit of peace and breaks the habit of victimness.

At some point, you won’t even realize you are thinking negative thoughts because your subconscious is automatically responding to the thoughts before they become conscious thoughts.

Nothing could be more effective than having your subconscious mind handle your abuse anxiety for you before you even think about it.

Resources you can use

If someone you love could deal with abuse effectively, would you take 3 minutes to learn more at http://findingpersonalpeace.com?

You can use this idea for just about any negative emotion or habit that bothers you including dealing with abuse.

If you need help with an ongoing abuse situation, click http://findingpersonalpeace.com/student/hotlines.pdf to find resources that can help you.

I hope Finding Personal Peace helps you in dealing with your abuse anxiety as much as it helped me with my anger.

Rod Peeks

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Relationships – You Have Great Power

You have the power to make or break people. How do you wield it?

Great Power in Relationships

How beautiful is the bond and trust that exists in a strong relationship, whether it be spouse to spouse, parent to child, or friend to friend.

That bond and trust also makes you vulnerable to being hurt yourself.

Marriage

Maybe you’ve experienced the pain and anguish when a spouse is unfaithful to the vows taken.

Maybe you know the loneliness that comes when your spouse is with someone else rather than you.

Maybe you know the physical and emotional pain of an abusive spouse.

Maybe you’re the spouse who is unfaithful, absent, or abusive.

Maybe you know the guilt that comes from blaming your spouse when the problem is really yours.

The power you have is your choice to be one or the other of the spouses described above. Do you routinely put your wants and needs ahead of your spouse?

Exercise your power to build up and sustain your spouse. Exercise your power to forgive and forget if necessary. Exercise your power to keep your vows, forsaking all other commitments, as long as you both shall live. To do anything less is an abuse of your power.

Parent and Child

You have the power to make or break your child’s spirit by your response to them.

Maybe you’ve felt the lash of an abusive parent.

Maybe you’ve known to pain of rejection or neglect.

Maybe you’ve felt the burden of performing beyond your capacities to please a parent.

Maybe you’ve felt the loneliness created by an unapproachable parent.

Maybe you’ve cried because your parent doesn’t trust you; and wondered why they don’t.

Maybe you’ve tried to be good enough to win your parent’s approval and never quite succeeded.

You have the power to neglect or build up your child. Do you react to your child in the same way your parents reacted to you?

You have the power of choosing to be responsible for seeing the fragile souls you created becoming competent, independent, adults; or you may choose to add another generation to the legacy of pain and neglect that has been your life.

Friend and Friend

Maybe you know the feeling of having a friend prove untrustworthy.

Maybe you’ve felt the pain, like the death of a thousand paper cuts, when a friend makes fun of you; or belittles your relationship; or misrepresents you to others.

Maybe you know how it feels to be squeezed out of a relationship and not understanding why.

You have the power of choosing whether you will do the same things to another friend – maybe just to get even – or of choosing to be supportive of your friends.

The Culprit

In all the examples above, the typical reason for the misuse of your power is “doing unto others like it has been done to you,“ a classic misuse of the Golden Rule.

Or it may be your misconstruing the rule to be “do unto others before they do it unto you.”

In either case, the baggage you bring to your current relationships from the past probably causes you to misuse the Golden Rule; and that baggage can be totally destructive to someone you love and respect or someone who depends on you.

There’s another way

You don’t have to carry that baggage around any longer. The baggage most likely manifests itself in negative thinking about the pain you felt from prior relationships. You get so caught up in reliving the pain of your past that it becomes the reality of your present. You can dump that negative thinking. You can start dumping it today.

Let Finding Personal Peace show you how to do that.

Use the power you have to build and confirm people, not hurt them. Make people, don’t break them.

God bless,

www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

The Grass May Not Be Greener

Is the Grass Really Greener? Bad Decisions Hurt Relationships

Dear Abby had several letters today responding to a woman who was who was asking Abby for permission to give up a 20-year marriage to a man the woman described as “wonderful” because she didn’t “love” him and never had.

We all have potentially conflicting thoughts from time to time. “What if I do” precedes speculation about a new situation. “What if I had” follows a decision we couldn’t make for whatever reason. Both ends of the thought spectrum can cause us pain and regret.

I’m not denying there are situations that ought to be changed. No one should have to live in danger or accept infidelity as a matter of routine. Poverty and lack of education are circumstances that can very often be changed by determination and hard work. There’s nothing wrong with changing bad reality.

But there are many situations where we allow ideas of a more exciting and more fulfilling life to create total disdain for the life we have.

The woman who wrote Abby had a husband who loved her, cherished her, and provided well for her and had been faithful for 20 years. But she had gotten to the point where she didn’t want to be married to him anymore because she didn’t “love” him. I wonder how many times over the 20 years she had ruminated over a Hollywood version of life as the movies describe it.

She rationalized that she never loved him. Do you think that might be just an excuse to justify her dissatisfaction with her marriage or her life?

It’s not just marriage

Thousands of times in this country, this day, people will make decisions based on negative thinking that spoils their current situation; decisions that can destroy their past and cast them into an uncertain future.

Negative thinking can ruin our perspective on just about any issue. We can take a perfectly good job and grow to hate it because we keep replaying thoughts of how someone mistreated us. We can take a wonderful child and turn him into a social outcast because he learns that we think he’s not as successful as his brother.

At the extreme, a friend committed suicide a number of years ago because his wife was not satisfied with the $500,000 house he provided. He went deeper into debt to provide a “better” house. Then, when the economy downturned and shut down his business, he couldn’t take it any more. I had occasion in those days to be around the wife and some of her friends and the most common conversation was about how nice it would be to live in a more affluent neighborhood in a bigger house. Her negative thinking and her husband’s desire to please her ultimately made life not worth living for him.

Do you have a situation where your own negative thinking makes you dissatisfied with yourself, your life style, your job, or your spouse?

Why don’t you consider taking that negative thinking under control and see how much your disposition improves? You can do that. It’s not hard to break the habit of negative thinking.

Here’s wishing you a happier 2013 without doing a thing except stopping the negative thinking that minimizes life for you.

www.findingpersonalpeace.com

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Resolutions – Why We Can’t Keep Them

Make Your Resolutions Count This Year

Got this year’s list close at hand? Maybe you didn’t write them down; somehow they’re not as binding if they’re not on paper.

Almost everyone has things they want to change in their lives as the New Year unfolds. Last year really wasn’t as good as it could have been. If I can just do this or that, this year will be better.

I resolve to . . .

• Lose some weight / Get in shape
• Get along with somebody
• Get organized
• Quit / atart doing something
• Drop / adopt a habit
• Make more / save more / spend less money
• … Whatever

We always resolve to do better than before. We have such a strong desire to make our lives different this year.

Then, baggage intervenes

We all have baggage from our past – we just handle it different ways. We envy the people who are able to stuff the baggage back out of sight and out of mind. It’s there. It’s part of our history. But that’s the point. It’s history – not prophecy. How fortunate are the people who can look at their baggage that way.

Most of us carry our baggage right up front.

We may wear it like a chip on our shoulder just waiting for someone to knock it off.

We may keep it on speed dial so we can play it back to anyone who gives us an opening to share how pitifully life has treated us.

We may keep our baggage on instant recall so we can pull it up frequently to ruminate on how much we’ve suffered.

Baggage vs. Resolutions

It’s the baggage that destroys our resolve to do anything good!

A review of our baggage always produces negative thinking that always creates excuses.

• We failed before; we’ll fail again
• Overweight is the new chic. We don’t want to be too thin.
• Clutter is the result of keeping busy
• Better the devil you know than the one your don’t (old habits vs. new habits)

Negative thinking will always win

I should say, it will always win unless we know how to deal with our negative thinking. Don’t you think your resolutions are worth getting rid of the negative thinking?

Negative thinking does not have to win. Learn more.

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Do You Ever Want to Hit Someone?

Anger!!!

This is just us taking here. Nobody’s taking notes. Tell the truth. How many times in the recent years have you gotten so angry with someone that you thought about hitting them?

How many times, again just between us, did you actually hit someone in anger?

_____ made me do it

“She just gets in my face all the time.” “I don’t have the money to pay the bills.” “I work hard and there’s supposed to be supper and a cold beer waiting when I get home.”

I gave some male-oriented provocations excuses. I’m sure you can fill in the blank with your own excuses, especially if you had some real numbers in mind when I asked the questions at the top. Take a moment. Think about your favorite personal excuses. Say them out loud, if you’re in a place where you can. Think about what your excuses sound like away from the heat of battle.

I can’t help it

Most domestic abusers feel great remorse after the episode. They beg for forgiveness and promise no repeat. It’s always, “I couldn’t help it,” or “I lost control for a minute.”

I don’t doubt the sincerity of what is said after the fact. It’s pure guilt; but it’s totally true.

Breaking down the abuse

I suggest eight parts in the sequence of an abusive episode:

1. A word spoken – angry, critical, questioning – words
2. A response – probably an inner clinching of the emotional sphincter – a thought.
3. An expansion – replaying the thought and letting it grow and grow – rumination.
4. A reaction – probably angry words exchanged. The emotional sphincter gets tighter and tighter; choking off reason and release – exchange
5. The verbal battle ensues – escalation.
6. The sphincter bursts and a punch is thrown – violence.
7. Immediate remorse with apologies, tears, and expressions of love.
8. Abusive events always happen again.

Keep in mind that this is a layperson’s list. Would you agree that it’s sort of logical?

Breaking the cycle

I’m talking to the abuser now. Look at the list above. There is only one step in the list where you can do anything to effectively end the altercation.

2. A response – … – a thought.

If you had known how to dismiss that initial thought and walk away; and if you had known how to dismiss the ubiquitous follow-up thought of “You can’t give in! That means you’re weak”; then the fight would be over and no harm done.

The problem still has to be solved. But learning how to deal with the negative thoughts gains you some thought space to work on a good solution.

There are always answers – but good answers ALMOST NEVER come from intense emotions.

You can create the space in your life. Look for it today!

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

“All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth”

You may remember the title song. It’s a novelty Christmas song written in 1944 by Donald Yetter Gardner while he was teaching music at public schools in Smithtown, New York. He asked his second grade class what they wanted for Christmas, and noticed that almost all of the students had at least one front tooth missing as they answered in a lisp. Gardner wrote the song in 30 minutes and as they say, “The rest is history.”

Do you have a Christmas dream?

Most of us do; except for those of us who have given up on ever seeing our wish granted.

Some of us dream of a restored relationship. But every time we start thinking about the relationship, we start rummaging up everything that happened to destroy the relationship and we get all angry, hurt, revengeful or bitter again; and again; and again.

Someone said, “Forgive and Forget.” What a curious sentiment; as if it’s my fault that he/she abused me and/or said all those ugly things to me. Both forgiving and forgetting are incredibly difficult to achieve especially if the other party hasn’t shown no remorse or may not even be aware of the offense in some cases.

There’s a better way – simply don’t think about it any more. I promise you that is something you can learn to do. Then when you have a bit of clear thinking (peace) perhaps you can decide on a rational course of action to restore the relationship.

Some of us dream of being forgiven for something we did for which forgiveness has not been offered. But when we start reflecting on the rift, we are overwhelmed by feelings of guilt, shame, or embarrassment all over again; and again; and again.

Better to learn how to not think about what we did. Perhaps in one of the peaceful interludes of not thinking about it, you’ll discover an approach to reconciliation.

Some of us dream of freedom from the stress of life like bills, repairs, a bad job, ungrateful family members, unneighborly neighbors; barking dogs; all seem to steal our peace and eventually our health if the stress continues. If we try to deal with one of these stressful issues, very often the thoughts of futility, failure, envy of those who have, and resentment of those who aren’t sharing our load gang up to beat us into submission again; and again; and again.

Better to find a way to not dwell on the issues and take advantage of the relatively calm emotional moment that provides to think of ways to resolve the issue; not just to survive it.

You have the authority

Two front teeth  – we haven’t thought about that since we were seven or eight. The other unfulfilled dreams come daily for many of us.

You have the authority to not think about anything you don’t want to think about. I learned how to do that. You can too.

God bless,

P.S. BTW, the moments of peace that we gain by not thinking about negative things begin to connect together; and we can enjoy longer and longer periods of personal peace.

Merry Christmas!

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Can You See The Candle of Peace?

Candle of Peace

The Candle of Peace

We lit another Advent Candle in church this week – the second one  – , the Candle of Peace. It was announced that, “ We light this candle to remind us that our Lord Jesus brings peace to all who trust in Him.”

I’ll focus in this post on a more temporal peace; let’s call it “walking-around peace,” instead of eternal peace.

Defining Peace

Peace is defined these two ways (there are other, more general definitions):

1. a state of mutual harmony in personal relationships:
2. Freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions.

I’d like to ask you two questions:

1. Can you truthfully say that your own life fully satisfies both definitions of peace?
2. How many people do you know whose lives demonstrated true peace according to those definitions?

I suspect that you answers contained some form of “No” and “Not many.”

What’s the Problem?

The fundamental problem lies in the second definition where it talks about “disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions.”

Society today is sharply focused on “self.”

• “Don’t you get up in my face!.”
• “You better respect me!”
• “I deserve . . .”
• “I have the right to . . .”
• “I don’t have to take that.”
• “Don’t be minding my business.”

Whenever somebody gets in our space, either accidentally or intentionally, all kinds of emotions erupt like a volcano: anger, fear, loathing, flight, fight.

And we record any such offense so we can replay the offense time and time again whenever it suits us.

It suits us when we want some sympathy and nobody gives us any. Answer – recall a painful event and feel sorry for ourselves.

It suits us when we feel the need to assert ourselves and there’s nobody around for us to assert upon. Solution – recall a painful event and assert ourselves vicariously.

It suits us when we see somebody that reminds us of that low-down, scheming . . .

It suits us when we’re alone wishing for a friend.

It suits us when we’re in a crowd wishing we were somewhere else.

If we could keep accurate records of all the times we entertain disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions, we would be amazed. Most of us spend some time each day stewing over a wrong suffered or suffering guilt over our own shortcomings.

And this rumination on negative thoughts and emotions can destroy us – physically and emotionally.

Life Doesn’t have to be that Way

If you could dismiss just one of those negative thoughts, a glimmer might reach you from your candle of peace – just a flicker.

If you could handle more of those negative thoughts, the flicker becomes a flame – small but steady.

If you could handle all those negative emotions, the candle of peace will glow brightly; giving you the light necessary to make important decisions that will have a long-term effect on your daily peace and your relationships; and will open the door to lasting peace.

Seek peace and you will find it. That’s a promise.

God bless,

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

 

Your Personality – M&M’s or Barbed Wire?

An Island of Peace in a Troubled World

Often without realizing it, we frequently react to the personality of someone we meet or even someone we see.

A brief definition would be that personality is made up of the characteristic patterns of thoughts, feelings and behaviors that make a person unique. In addition to this, personality arises from within the individual and remains fairly consistent throughout life.

I like the last phrase about personality being fairly consistent throughout life. I like it because it implies that our personality is inherently part of us from our birth. That tells me that we are made to enjoy life. I just can’t see someone “made in the image of God” being made with a bent toward evil or even unhappiness.

In the last posting, we talked about individuality. Picture an M&M made up of a hard candy shell and a soft chocolate center. It’s not too far-fetched to think of the shell as our individuality; as what makes us stand out in the world or as the defense we create against melting in someone’s hand.  And we can think of our personality as the soft chocolate center with the characteristics that are inherent within us; joy, peace, satisfaction, etc.

Richard Carlson talks at length about an inherent capacity for happiness. Maybe it’s our personality he’s talking about. – that built-in part.

So What Happens

But let’s get real here. We all know people who have the personality of barbed wire. I have a theory about how personality gets from “M&M-Center” to “barbed-wire.”

Simply put, life happens. Some of us are always able to handle disappointments with a smile. Nothing ever gets us down.

Others store up disappointments like a bank account. We keep an internal scoreboard where we tally all the hurts, offenses, criticisms, put-downs, failures. And being good stewards, we routinely take our scoreboards out and review them; we think about the offenses; we relive the hurts; we suffer the failures all over again.

Before long, this scoreboard becomes a jumbotron that everybody sees. The negativity completely clouds or hides our personality.

Sounds Grim

It does sound grim, but it doesn’t have to be. Like a frost-covered window, we can clear a little space by taking command of just one of our negative thoughts. We talk about how to do this in Finding Personal Peace.

We can see through the window a little bit. If we keep dealing with negative thinking (the jumbotron of hurts) before long, we can see a beautiful scene which is what we’re truly like without the negativity.

Picture a tiny tropical island. It’s beautiful with the waves crashing ashore.

Now picture the island surrounded by murky water; water made muddy by negative thinking roiling around within us.

When we control the negative thinking, the water becomes sparkling clear and we begin to see the beauty that exists below. The tiny island is but the tip of a great mountain with colorful fish, bright coral reefs, and all sorts of amazing creatures.

Our Personality

Our personality can be like a jewel if we let it shine. We can let it shine by dealing with all the negativity we have accumulated.

Go for it!

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Individuality

Individuality – A Threat to Peace

What is Individuality?

Wow, what a great sounding word – I N D I V I D U A L I T Y! That’s all we hear from Hollywood. We deserve! We have the right to ___!

One definition is “the interests of the individual as distinguished from the interests of the community.”

Oswald Chambers describes individuality as “the hard outer layer surrounding the inner spiritual life.” We too often see individuality shoving others aside; separating and isolating; creating division instead of unity and peace.

Most agree that the characteristics of individuality are independence and self-will. In view of that let me ask you these questions:

• How can two individuals build a relationship when each persists in maintaining their own individuality?
• How can conflicts be resolved when each protagonist insists on their own rights first?

I submit that individuality is the primary barrier to building and maintaining relationships; and the primary barrier to personal peace.

• The world’s view of individuality asserts pride over forgiveness; as in, so-and-so hurt my feelings. I don’t have to put up with that.
• The same world view demands respect forgetting that respect is earned, not God-given.
• Individuality says “you go first” then if I feel vindicated, I’ll respond.

Maintaining Individuality in Relationships

I’m not suggesting that we always submit our individuality. That would be subservience in the worst form and would be very harmful to us.

There are very often times when we have to weigh our individuality against the value of the relationship. If we can yield without compromising our integrity, morals, or personal beliefs, and the relationship is meaningful to us, then we need to subordinate our individuality for the health of the relationship.

If compromise requires us to devalue ourselves emotionally, ethically or morally, then we need to look long and hard at the value of the relationship.

Dangers of Abused Individuality

Abused individuality is what makes us stew over and over again because somebody offended us.

Abused individuality never forgets a wrong suffered. In fact it actively keeps count.

Abused individuality always puts it’s own self-interest above the interests of the whole, be it a couple, a family, an office staff, a committee, or a church.

Abused individuality will absolutely destroys your peace.

But abused individuality is not a permanent condition. In fact, it can be dealt with much easier than you think.

My Story

I was exercising my individuality for years every time I got angry over the men who had hurt my family. The problem is that my individuality was costing me every relationship that was important. I learned how to balance my individuality with the importance of my relationships. You can, too!

I put the how-to online.

God bless,

Thanks for reading our blog today. I invite you to respond in several ways: (1) Comment in the space below if you agree or disagree with what I’ve said. A dialogue could be interesting for all; (2) Share the post with your friends using the buttons below; and (3) sign up to get an email with each new post. There’s a place to do that on the right. Then you won’t have to remember to look for our subsequent posts. Thanks again!

Thinking About My Father . . .

Uncle Thomas, My Dad, Uncle Gilbert circa 1898-99

Yesterday was the 117^th anniversary of my father’s birth. He was born November 30, 1895. I really enjoy ruminating on what life must have been like at the turn of the 20^th century.

Life was so different. My father didn’t have electricity in his home until he was 51 years old. I’m not aware of his traveling more than 200 miles from home until he was in his 6^th decade; with the exception of a trip to France at Uncle Sam’s suggestion in 1918 and eloping in a horse-drawn buggy to Mississippi with my mother in December 1919.

My dad never was in an airplane and to my knowledge never talked on the telephone. He was not well educated, but he could feed and provide for a family with the work he invested in his little one-mule farm.

He taught me how to work hard. He taught me how to be honest. He taught me to be frugal. Come to think of it, he actually taught me how to have dreams; my mother taught me how to be frugal – but that’s another story.

He did not teach me how to be a bully. He did not teach me how to seek power over other people. He did not teach me how to win through intimidation. He did not teach me to bear a grudge.

He was proud of his family. I don’t recall him ever saying “I love you,” but there was never any doubt of his love because he gave so much of himself to his family.

My favorite Christmas story

In 1936, the day before Christmas, my dad walked into town (about five miles) and spent his last dollar to buy Christmas gifts for my brothers and sisters (I wasn’t born yet) – little things like a fountain pen and a pocket knife for my brothers and hair ribbons and barrettes for my sisters and some candy and apples. He got to put his name in a drawing at the mercantile store. To his delight, his name was selected for the ten-dollar grand prize. He didn’t buy the gifts because of the prize, like a lottery ticket. He did what pleased him most – he spent his last dollar to give his children a little joy at Christmas.

Where am I going here?

I love my memories of my family. Not because of wealth or possessions, but because of their commitment, encouragement, and acceptance of us.

Lots of people don’t have such warm memories of growing up. Some of those memories are downright awful and are made more so by reliving those memories over and over again with more pain and discouragement with every sequel.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

If negative memories haunt you, I promise you can escape those memories. You don’t have to be held captive by emotional pain from yesterday or from decades ago. I can share more on my website than I can share here so I invite you to visit right now to see if there’s a Christmas gift there for you.

You still have time to have a Merry Christmas by getting the painful Christmas memories out of the way.

All the best,

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