Alicia strode briskly into the law offices of Pettinger and Payne, one of the leading litigation firms in the city. As she gracefully crossed the waiting room, the receptionist noted that she was wearing an Armani wool pant suit, navy blue, and what appeared to be a Rovena Ruffle silk blouse, white. She wore Prada black pumps and carried a Montblanc leather briefcase slung over her shoulder. Everything about her suggested confidence including the classic hair style that curled just under her jaw line and her understated makeup. Undoubtedly she was Mr. Pettinger’s 10:00 o’clock appointment who had appeared 10 minutes early.
Alicia introduced herself and was invited to take a seat; “Mr. Pettinger will be with you shortly.”
Alicia knew the impression she made. It was calculated but not arrogant. She intended to present herself as someone who knew who she was; what she was doing; and where she was going. Which was the truth.
Alicia was a graduate of an Ivy League law school having been admitted after scoring in the top 2% on her LSAT.
She was a summa cum laude graduate of a large Midwestern university majoring in psychology with a minor in English.
The woman waiting for her appointment could not have been more different from the 8-year-old Alica whom she thought of daily. The frequent flashbacks were nothing but simple reminders of how far she had traveled over the past 17 years – from a shy, timid mousey girl slipping, hopefully unnoticed, into any room to the attractive, proficient, professional young woman waiting for an important appointment.
Alicia had never figured out why she had been so timid. Perhaps it was hereditary. Her mother was a quiet, hardworking woman who had provided well for Alicia; and certainly had loved her unconditionally. She had often praised Alicia for excellent school work; but every encouragement was bracketed by a reminder: “But, we are simple people who work hard and we know our place.”
By that, Alicia had come to realize that her mother believed them to be a lower class and less privileged than other people; and that they should be content to assume that place in life without making waves.
Alicia had worn clean, well-mended clothes, often last year’s styles that her mother had found in a thrift store. She ate her lunches from a brown bag brought from home while her classmates selected their food from the lunch bar options at school.
Alicia could never remember being bullied other than the quiet, unrelenting pain of simply being not noticed.
She didn’t mind that so much. If she had had her way, she would have morphed into a desk so she wouldn’t be noticed at all.
She was a good, no, she was an excellent, student always knowing the answers; and always not raising her hand because she an uncontrollable reaction of blushing beet red whenever her name was called in the classroom.
She only had one friend, Valerie, who was only slightly less timid than Alicia. They spent time together, talked and shared freely, and maintained a steady wall of protection from the rest of the class; well, the rest of the world. They had been friends since first grade and planned to spend their lives as BFF’s, using the Facebook slang, with each other and nobody else.
At least that’s the way they planned it.
In 3rd grade, starved for things they could do together other than homework, they decided to join the Girls’ Club which had an after-school program; and which both their mothers had agreed that the cost was within their means.
There were maybe 30 girls who came to the club on a regular basis. Alicia and Valerie walked there after school and played, talked, and studied until around 5:30 when their mothers picked them up.
They didn’t really socialize with the other girls, even though there were invitations to join in group activities. They were content to spend time together and participate in 9-year-old life as observers, not participants.
That plan didn’t last forever.
In the summer before 5th grade, Valerie and her mother moved to another city, leaving Alicia alone, without a friend, for the first time in her life. Maybe, she reasoned, this was to be her station in life like her mother predicted.
Her loneliness didn’t go unnoticed.
Martha was a college student working at the Girls’ Club as a summer program intern. She was fun and planned great activities for the girls; all of which Alicia watched pleasantly from the corner chair that she claimed as her personal domain.
Martha let this ride for a few days. She always invited Alicia to join in the activities and always accepted Alicia’s quiet, “No, thank you.”
Well, for a few days she accepted it. Then one day, Martha started a group activity with the rest of the girls; waited until they all got started; and then pulled a chair just outside Alicia’s comfort zone.
“Hi,” Martha said. “Mind if we talk for a bit?”
“No,” Alicia responded hesitantly. Where was this going?
“I have a question for you, Alicia.”
“Have you noticed that I have a lot of confidence; that I seem to be well-organized; and that I am comfortable leading you girls in the activities here at girl’s club?”
“Yes.”
“Well, would you believe that I have not always been this way?”
Interested, Alicia asked, “What do you mean?”
“Let me put it this way,” Martha began. “If I were to look at a picture of myself at about your age, I would see you.”
“When I was 11 years old, I was basically happy, I did well in school. I got along well with others because I didn’t assert myself into their world.”
“I was also very timid. I was embarrassed when I was singled out by a teacher even though I almost always knew the answer to her question. When someone spoke to me, I would invariably blush, took down at my shoes, and then speak my one or two-word response to their knees. I couldn’t look them in the eye; and I would never dare approach someone to speak to them first.”
“Are you still with me?” she asked; and Alicia nodded meekly.
Martha continued, “A question you may be asking yourself is ‘How can that be? How did she become a confident instructor here at Girls’ Club?’”
“No,” Alicia challenged, “Actually I’m thinking that any adult could learn how to lead a group of kids in doing things to avoid boredom. That’s not exactly high-level stuff.”
“Well, Alicia, would it surprise you to know that I was the captain of the debate team and a majorette in high school? Would it surprise you to know that I was elected class officer all four years in high school? Would it surprise you to know that I’m the leader of my study group in college?”
“So you’re saying that you went from being ‘me’ to being all those things?” Alicia asked.
“Yes!” Martha replied. She waited as if it was Alicia’s turn to talk, but Alicia didn’t respond.
Finally Martha asked, “If there were a way you could have the confidence to do all the things that interest you and meet the people that interest you, would you like to know more about that?”
Alicia sighed to acknowledge that she understood the question, collected her thoughts for a moment, and then agreed, “Yes, if all that were possible, I would like to know how I can do that.”
“Great!” Martha’s smile was warm and sincere. “I’m going to share with you Three Secrets that my aunt shared with me when I was your age. Those secrets changed my perspective on life. I’ll give you the first one today and then we’ll make an appointment to meet again every three or four days. Agreed?”
“I agree,” answered Alicia, still skeptical.
“Okay! Now I’ll give you the first secret today after I give you some background.”
“It’s not important why you’re shy and timid. I’m not going to ask you about anything at home except to ask you this. Are you afraid at home? Is anything happening outside of school or Girls’ Club that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable? [Note: Alicia didn’t realize this at the time, but Martha was screening to see if there were issues like abuse or neglect in Alicia’s life. Had there been, other action would have been appropriate.]
“No,” Alicia answered, “Things are fine at home and things are fine at school so long as I can sit quietly and not be noticed by anyone.”
“Okay. Here’s Secret 1”
“Whenever you walk into a new situation, do you think to yourself, ‘I’m not really meant to be here and I hope nobody notices me.’?”
“Yes,” replied Alicia, “I think that and I think that all these people are somehow better than me and I don’t belong here.”
“Well, Secret 1 is this:
Secret 1: Whenever a negative thought pops into you mind like that, you say to yourself, “I will not think about that.” Then you go ahead with what you’re doing. If the thought pops up again, say again, “I will not think about that.” You can say it softly, but you must say it out load to yourself.
“Alicia, you won’t notice any difference at first. But I promise you that if you apply Secret 1 consistently, it will make a difference. Will you do that?”
When Alicia said she could do that, Martha said, “Okay, today is Monday. Let’s have our next meeting on Thursday. I’ll be sitting right here at 10:00 o’ clock. I want you to walk up and tell me how it’s going with Secret 1. Agreed?”
They agreed to meet in three days.
Alicia sat there for a time and then saw some girls setting up a board game. She thought to herself, we might as well see how this works.
As she walked across the room, a thought popped into her mind telling her that she was going to be embarrassed and everybody would laugh at her. She immediately said out loud, “I’m not going to think about that.” The thought went away.
She was almost there and the thought popped up again. She discreetly put her hand over her mouth and said, “I’m not going to think about that.” The next words out of her mouth were, “Can I play?” and she sat down and quietly enjoyed the board game with three other girls.
Over the next three days, she applied Secret 1 at Girls’ Club, with a clerk at the corner store, and with a lady at the library. It worked every time: the negative thought went away. Sometimes she had to say it twice, but it always went away.
On Thursday, she saw Martha sitting in the chair at 10 o’clock and she started to walk over for her appointment. A thought popped up saying this is crazy. This will never work for you.” Alicia softly applied Secret 1 and walked over and sat down by Martha.
Remembering that Martha had told her that she had to initiate the conversation, she dismissed the negative thought by whispering Secret 1 into her hand and said to Martha, “I’ve applied Secret 1 several times every day this week, including just now as I walked over here, and it has worked every time. Sometimes I have to say “I’m not going to think about this” more than one time, but it has worked every time.
“That’s wonderful,” Martha said, “that’s exactly what I expected you would say. That’s exactly how Secret 1 works for me.”
“Works for me, did you say? Do you mean that you still use Secret 1?”
“Oh, yes. I use it every time a negative thought pops into my mind; and it always works.”
“Wow, you must be doing this all the time,” Alicia asked.
“No,” Martha answered; “Secret 2 talks about that. Are you ready for Secret 2?”
Alicia was excited. “Yes, please!”
“Secret 2 makes this idea very easy. It’s not something you have to do, like in Secret 1. Secret 2 is that you have a part of your mind called the subconscious mind. Among other things, your subconscious mind likes to help you be happy. If you like to think about negative things like, “I don’t belong here,” your subconscious mind will continue to give you negative thinks to think about.”
“But!” Martha said excitedly, “if your subconscious mind learns that you don’t want to think about negative things, it will automatically respond with Secret 1 for you, and it filters or blocks that negative thought away from your conscious mind.”
“After a time, say three or four weeks, your subconscious mind will be completely blocking that negative thought from you. Isn’t that great?”
Alicia was still a little skeptical. “Is this some sort of hypnosis or a cult thing like is on TV sometimes.”
“Oh no! It’s just the way every one of us is made. Many wise people have taught this principle.
For example, Confucius said, ”To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.” By that he meant that any pain or negative thought doesn’t mean anything unless you continue to think about it or dwell on it.
Julius Caesar said, “As a rule, what is out of sight disturbs men’s minds more seriously than what they see.” He meant that people tend to be more disturbed and frustrated by something that happened in the past or something they only thought happened, rather than by what is happening now.
One more: St Paul said in the Bible, “We take captive every thought…” Simply put, if a thought bothers you or makes you feel bad, take it captive. That’s what you’re doing in Secret 1.
“So to answer your question, this is just the way humans are made. We can control what we choose to think about; and our subconscious helps us by learning what we want to think about and blocking out what we don’t want to think about.”
“So to conclude this meeting, Alicia, keep on applying Secret 1, and be looking for other places where you can apply it. Let’s meet again on Tuesday, okay?”
The weekend was pretty much the same. She applied Secret 1 whenever a negative thought popped into her mind.
On Tuesday, Alicia was able to report that the negative thoughts were still popping up but not as often as before. She was proud to share that she had volunteered to answer a question in Sunday School and how good that felt.
Martha was pleased and shared Secret 3 with Alicia.
Alicia had been wondering how she could make more friends, especially since Valerie had moved away. Martha told her that Secret 3 came from a man named Dale Carnegie in a book he wrote called “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”
Carnegie had a lot of good points, but Martha explained that one of them was more important, in her opinion, to Alicia and her situation.
Dale Carnegie said that one of the ways to make friends was to “Be a good listener, Encourage people to talk about themselves.”
This was want Martha’s aunt had taught her as Secret 3.
People always like to talk about themselves. You can encourage them without prying by asking questions like “What do you like to do?” “Why do you think that is important?” and “What do you think about . . .” You could always keep the conversation moving by saying “That’s interesting. Please tell me more.”
Secret 3 is a bit harder to do but as you spend less and less time thinking about negative things, you’ll think more and more about how to be a good listener.
On her way home from Girls’ Club that day, Alicia saw Mrs. Wilson, a neighbor, working in her garden. She seldom spoke to Mrs. Wilson, but Secret 3 was fresh on her mind so she said, “Hi, Mrs. Wilson. Your flowers are beautiful. Why do you love flowers so much?”
Mrs. Wilson showed Alicia every flower in the garden and gave its history and significance to her. The spent a very pleasant half-hour together. Secret 3 appeared to work.
Martha and Alicia continued to meet every 3 or 4 days to get Alicia’s progress reports on applying Secret 1 and to let Alicia practice Secret 3 on Martha. Then they would talk about a wide variety of things.
By the end of the summer, Alicia felt quite comfortable around other people.
She shared the Three Secrets in a speech in her speech class.
In Middle School, she was voted friendliest girt.
In high school, her grades soared and she became a junior helper at Girls’ Club. She enjoyed seeking out the girls who were timid and shy and sharing the Three Secrets with them.
She gave the Youth Sermon in her church when she was a senior.
She even shared the Three Secrets with her mother and over a couple of years, her mother had found an interesting and challenging job and was progressing a career.
She dated several guys in high school and college, always having a good time; but she was too busy with life to get seriously involved.
Back to the present
Her interview with Mr. Pettinger went very well concluding with an offer for her to become a litigation associate with the firm. She accepted his offer with one condition.
“I owe everything I am to a young woman in Girls’ Club who took the time to share with a timid, shy, 10-year-old three important secrets. I am committed to passing those secrets on to other girls. I am asking the firm to allow me five hours a month to spend in a local girls club to help other girls. It’s important to me.
“Agreed,” Mr. Pettinger said as he stood and welcomed her to the firm.
The end.
This fictional story introduces a principle that has been around for thousands of years. In addition to the Bible, philosophers like Confucius, Marcus Aurelius, Shakespeare, and others have written or spoken about our wonderful capacity to train ourselves not to ruminate on negative thoughts and to minimize the effects of emotional or physical pain in our lives. The danger of ruminating on negative thoughts is, in addition to more pain, stress, depression, anxiety, emotional issues, and worse.
Your children can understand the simple principles of the Three Secrets. The Secrets work for many negative emotions that result from negative thinking.
This concept is explained fully in an online eCourse called Finding Personal Peace – http://findingpersonalpeace.com. The course leads one through these secrets and covers topics like making good decisions, and dealing with serious stuff like death, illness, abuse, and addiction.
The eCourse leads one through a process of turning a habit of sadness into a habit of peace. You can read other short stories on life issues by searching the category, Short Stories, at the right.
Copyright 2014 findingpersonalpeace.com. Birmingham, Al USA. All rights reserved.
Finding Personal Peace 